I realization came upon me earlier this week - I've been
unemployed for three months now...lovely.
I'm not going to lie, it was hard at first, accepting that the best job
I've ever had was over. The program I
built from the ground up was no longer mine.
It eventually sank in when my "replacement" stopped calling
and emailing for help. I worked on a
government contract and the government decided...well, I'm not sure what the
government decided, I believe they are still trying to figure it out
themselves. Regardless, the government
terminated the civilian contract, leaving me, my team of four, and every other
states' teams jobless, turning all responsibilities over to their people.
So, I started doing what an unfortunate amount of Americans
are doing now...applying for other jobs, waiting to hear back, and waiting to
hear back some more. At which time, I
either receive an email thanking me for my interest in their company, but
they've decided to go in another direction.
Or, in the rare case that I have received a call to interview, I get
excited, study the company and interview questions, and pull out all my
best! Only a week later to THEN be told
thanks for my interest, but they've decided to go in another direction. Rejection is heart wrenching and
discouraging. I began to feel as if no
one wanted me, that I was worthless, despite my experience, honors, and
volunteer work.
I quickly learned that this way of applying for work in
today's world is wrong. Anyone can look
good, even great, on paper. But it's
about that face to face communication that tells a company if you're going to
fit into their culture. Someone may not
have exactly all the qualifications or experience, but has the personality that
will help build stronger team cohesion.
On the other hand, someone may have exactly all the qualifications and
experience mentioned in the job description, but have the personality of snail
- or worse yet, an angry squirrel - that may eventually result in poor team
morale. Those types of things can't be
judged on paper. It's the wrong way to
interview...it's the wrong way to chose your team.
It took me a good little while to realize this "time
off" that I have been so graciously blessed with (do you detect my
sarcasm), may not be at all what I had imagined it to be. I've always had a problem with giving things
to God, as He tells us we must do. I'm a
type A personality, I can handle things myself, and I do. However, that's not what God had in mind for
me...I'm fairly certain He got fed up with me handling things myself and He was
determined to make me understand how easy things can be when I turn them over
to Him. But trust me, I didn't give in
without a fight! However, I wish I had!
You see, even though I am a Type A personality, I am a very
dependent person, sometimes to a fault.
It's caused me unnecessary heartache and trouble over the years. But I've rarely been dependent upon the most
important...God Himself. So, after about
a month of wallowing in my own self pity, I finally started dabbling in myself
and everything that that entails. I felt
incredibly led to just surrender everything to our Lord. Because, when I look back on the hardships in
my recent past, I realized at no point did I ever truly "crash." I've always had a roof over my head, clothes
on my back, food on the table, bills paid, etc.
And the same was true now, even with me not having a job. Yes, things must be a little tighter now, but
ultimately, God has blessed my husband with an amazing job and we're ok.
I'm not going to pretend that I wouldn't rather have a job,
because I would and the extra income is nice.
Not to mention that "down time" is not in a Type A
individual's vocabulary. But I know that
this time has been designed for me to focus on my relationship with our Lord
and Savior. And that is
important...above everything else.
Because when your relationship is right with God...everything else falls
right into place. I know my Lord will provide the perfect job for me...in HIS time, not mine. God will always
provide; God will never leave or forsake us.
Therefore, I resolve to strive to never leave or forsake Him.
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